Deciding to see a psychologist to discuss issues within your relationship can be quite nerve wracking.
Often, therapy is seen as a last resort – only for when a couple feels disconnected, and thinking about ending the relationship. Even then, therapy is often avoided because it seems scary and intimidating. Relationships can be tricky to navigate.
When you bring two people together from different families, with different childhood and life experiences, there are bound to be creases to iron out and expectations to manage. Couples counselling can help you and your partner to figure out what kind of relationship you want to have, and how to go about getting there.
It’s important to remember that the goals of therapy are determined by you, not the therapist. The psychologist is there to shine a light on ways of interacting that may be causing difficulties, and to increase your awareness of road blocks that might be getting in the way of connection.
Knowing what to expect during sessions can help to ease some of the anxiety surrounding couples counselling.
What can you expect from Couples Counselling?
The psychologist will want to discuss the issues that you are currently having and what your expectations are of therapy, as well as the strategies you may have already tried to employ to resolve disagreements.
You will talk about how the relationship began and the history of your relationship, as well as individual histories, in order to see how you both came to be the people that you are today. In session, you will talk about what you want your relationship to look like and your strengths as a couple.
Seeing a psychologist as a couple can help each of you express your emotions, understand each other’s feelings, and improve intimacy and connection.
It can also help you figure out more positive ways of interacting with each other, how to recognise and resolve conflicts, and how to argue respectfully. In relationships, we can sometimes have a tendency of just wanting to get our point across and not even hearing each other. One of the most helpful skills you will get out of couples counselling sessions, is learning how to listen to each other; listening to understand rather than listening to respond.
It’s okay if you’re unsure about the future of the relationship, making decisions about where the relationship is headed may be part of the plan for your sessions. And if you’ve already decided to end the relationship, counselling can help with mediation during this process as you determine boundaries and parameters for your new relationship as co-parents or friends.